| Lady gym teacher is mad. |
After Emily, Paula Walnuts, CT and Wes win the final challenge in Thailand, about 1/4 of the gang gathers for the reunion...
JONNY MOSELEY - Welcome to our live program. Dave Mira is at a wedding this weekend, so MTV graciously offered the gig to me.
ANEESA - You're killin' those frosted tips, bro.
JONNY MOSELEY - **touches his hair** You think? Thanks. Just For Men. Frank, let's put you in the hot seat first.
FRANK - FUCK YOU GET OFF MY CASE I WILL KILL YOU.
JONNY MOSELEY - Whoa.
FRANK - Just kidding.
JONNY MOSELEY - Good one. Frank has taken to social media to vent his frustrations with other competitors and post pictures of Corgis. Frank, why do you do it?
FRANK - I mean, they have really short legs and they're fun to look at.
JONNY MOSELEY - No, I mean the venting.
FRANK - People keep bringing up my name, and I need to defend myself.
KNIGHT - You actually need to stop acting like a little bitch.
FRANK - Says the lady gym teacher in a penis hat.
KNIGHT - You wish you could pull off this penis hat, Applebees server.
FRANK - It's TGIFridays, and I'm also a grad student.
KNIGHT - You're not even a man to me. Because you're GAY. **falls asleep on stage**
FRANK - He's a real winner, this one.
JONNY MOSELEY - Knight, wake up. **shakes him**
KNIGHT - Huh? Where was I?
JONNY MOSELEY - Saying Frank isn't a real man.
KNIGHT - Oh yeah. **bitch slaps Frank with a glove** Now THAT'S what real men do. **is wrestled off stage by producers**
JEMMYE - It is what it is. It is what it is.
JONNY MOSELEY - Cara Maria. Everyone hates your fucking guts. Tell us a little about that.
CARA MARIA - The fact is that Cooke would have gone home the first week if I hadn't been her partner.
CT - Mumble mouth fart mumble how dare you talk about your partner that way!
CARA MARIA - Idiot, she would have gone home because she didn't have a partner after Naomi left.
CT - Oh yeah.
JONNY MOSELEY - Johnny, why didn't you clap when Cara Maria showed up in Thailand?
JOHNNY BANANAS - The producers told us not to.
JONNY MOSELEY - What's that? I couldn't hear you with this ironclad confidentiality agreement you signed before coming on the show.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Oh, um, it's because nobody cares about Cara Maria. She's a motherfucking non-factor. Better?
JONNY MOSELEY - Much.
WES - Johnny, I have thirty businesses and a monster truck, so it behooves me to mention that you treated Cara Maria poorly this season.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Weren't you the one pouring Faygo over her head two years ago?
WES - I was a different person then.
PAULA WALNUTS - Cough cough ROIDS cough cough.
JONNY MOSELEY - Diem, how do you explain acting like that Tucker guy with the shovel on Breaking Bad?
DIEM - I went through menopause on the show. You know who else went through menopause? Your mom.
JONNY MOSELEY - I know you're a woman and this is a live show but I will beat your ass if you ever bring up my mom again.
DIEM - Bring it.
JONNY MOSELEY - **to himself** Johnny, be professional. You're a real journalist now. **straightens his back** Ahem. So what about on the aftershow when you equated being a good person with not having many sexual partners? Weren't you off the hormones then?
DIEM - Wait... People watch those?
JONNY MOSELEY - Apparently. Believe me, if I'd have known, I woulda worn underwear.
After another Big Tips Texas promo, Jonny talks to Diem and an unintelligible CT...
JONNY MOSELEY - CT, what was the deal with you and Diem?
CT - Shassha frassha mumble mumble. Shut up.
JONNY MOSELEY - Hey, man, just doing my job.
CT - You tryin' to start shit?
JONNY MOSELEY - No, I'm asking questions. Because I'm the male Julissa Bermudez.
CT - Farfelle oompse mumble. Eat me.
JONNY MOSELEY- I'm so glad you elected to come here and share such illuminating information with America.
DIEM - I tell you, there is nothing sexier than an illiterate man in his mid-thirties who gets defensive over simple questions.
THE END.
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