Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 10 - "Viva Mexico"

Gretchen and Lauren the Horse have A LOT in common.

Gretchen meets with Lauri at her stable...

 LAURI WARING PETERSON - When I got your call about your interest in horses, I was thrilled. Come meet Lauren!

GRETCHEN ROSSI - You named your horse Lauren? 

LAURI WARING PETERSON  - You have a boyfriend named Slade? 

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Touche. So, while I'm here to learn about, uh, horses, I was hoping I could get some dirt on Vicki. 

LAURI WARING PETERSON  - Well, you came to the wrong place. If you want to hear salacious details of how she slept with both men and women all while still married to Donn, you'll have to go elsewhere.

GRETCHEN ROSSI   - Now we're talkin'. **starts taking notes**

LAURI WARING PETERSON - I am not a gossip. I have more dignity than to tell you in front of these cameras the extracurricular activities of Vicki Gunvalson, including but not limited to threesomes, frat boys, and trangendered Mexican  prostitutes.

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Got it. **scribbles in note pad** 

LAURI WARING PETERSON  - No siree bob. I don't get involved in that business. Just spend my time brushing Lauren and being married to a very rich man and thinking in my private thoughts about how Vicki used to bring men into her insurance office and bang them in the copy room.

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Perfect. I think I have all I need. 

LAURI WARING PETERSON - But I thought you wanted to learn more about Lauren.

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Fuck Lauren. **leaves**

Lydia brings Alexis and Tamra together at a restaurant...

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I brought you both here because it's time to make up. And because my mom hot boxed me out of my house. **coughs**

TAMRA BARNEY - Alexis, even though you're phony and fake and kinda stupid, you're still a human being and deserve to be treated like one.

ALEXIS BELLINO - Thank you. That means more than all the trampolines in the world.

TAMRA BARNEY - When I heard you in the limo outside my gym crying about Xanax, I knew you were probably just being dramatic in your typical fashion, and I'm sorry for thinking that. Even though I still think that.

ALEXIS BELLINO - I accept your apology  and God says he does, too.

TAMRA BARNEY - Just know that even though there's no way I'd ever be friends with you, I'll still begrudgingly acknowledge your existence when you're in the same room. Mainly because your circus tits are too huge not to.

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Ok! Mission accomplished. I think I hear Maverick crying.

TAMRA BARNEY - **keeps going** And if you're ever in financial trouble again because your husband's a loser, you can come clean the towels at my gym.


TAMRA BARNEY - Damn. Sounds like somebody needs a toke or two.

Heather takes the girls to a fancy restaurant in Puerto Vallarta for Tamra's bachelorette party...

TAMRA BARNEY - **to waiter** I'll have a margarita, thanks. 

HEATHER DUBROW - No no no, this is not that kind of restaurant.

TAMRA BARNEY - Wine, then?

HEATHER DUBROW - They don't serve alcohol. Just quail eggs, in 17 different varieties.

**they all sit in silence, sucking on quail eggs**

HEATHER DUBROW - Isn't this great? After our quail eggs, we can lay in bed and tell ghost stories until Saturday Night Live comes on!  

VICKI GUNVALSON - Will you all excuse me? I need to run to the ladies' room to make sure my chin implant is still centered. **leaves to go to Andale's**

TAMRA BARNEY - I think I hear a donkey calling me.  **leaves to go to Andale's**

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I just want to get the fuck out of here. **leaves to go to Andale's**

HEATHER DUBROW - How rude. Some people just don't have any class.

GRETCHEN ROSSI - I know, right? **sucks giant penis lollipop**


  1. Lauren was McKenzie and Danyka's horse long before Lauri entered the picture! Another routine take away tactic used by their father, George, that USED to have money.

    Ask Lauri about her granddaughter that was born heroin addicted Dec 13, 2012 and in State custody. Why didn't Lauri agree to care for her first grandchild instead of CHOOSING to use that time to film for Bravo?

    And the missing Bria story from just under two years ago when her dad sent her away for an entire year to a therapeutic boarding school, just as he did his son at age 16.....Just two weeks ago after Bria sought help again citing abuse, George sent her away for the second time to prevent her from uncovering all the bones buried in his and Laur's closet.

    1. Vicki's been saying Lauri and George are hard-up. Although you wouldn't guess it by the amount of work Lauri's done to her face. She and Lauren could be twins.


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