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| Jamie gives Ben a little preview of how bad she is in bed. |
In Panama City Beach, Florida...
DATE CARD - Kacie B., please join me on a makeshift set of Lost. Sorry, Matthew Fox will NOT be there.
Kacie B. and Ben arrive in a roped-off area on the beach while Spring Breakers look on...
BEN FLAJNIK - Allow me to split this coconut in two, m'lady.
FRAT BRO I - **watching with 100 others outside rope** That's not all he's gonna split in two.
FRAT BRO II - HEYOOO! **they high-five**
BEN FLAJNIK - Just ignore them.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - I'll try. Look! I caught a fish!
BEN FLAJNIK - I don't think that's a fish.
FRAT BRO I - It's my TKE Winter Formal boxers! Damn, bro, I've been looking all over for those!
FRAT BRO II - It's about time they got washed!
FRAT BRO I - Dude, shut up!
BEN FLAJNIK - Well, I guess we could throw them in the fire anyway.
FRAT BRO I - Ben's probably ate worse things. Courtney Robertson, for example.
FRAT BRO II - WHOAAAAAAA!
BEN FLAJNIK - Let's just, uh, have some wine and watch the sun set.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Ok, that sounds romantic. **they sit and sip wine** Is that a Big Booty Contest going on over there? **it is**
BEN FLAJNIK - Damn it! Fuck the producers and their poor site selection skills.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - **watches nude Big Booty Contest judge flap his penis against his thighs** I dunno... It's not THAT bad.
In a remote area of Panama...
BEN FLAJNIK - Ladies, welcome to a brown river.
RACHEL TRUEHART - Looks like Blakeley's bathroom after a night at The Outback.
BLAKELEY SHEA - Fuck off. Just for that, I'm including a negative page about you in the scrap book I'm creating for Ben.
BEN FLAJNIK - Oh god. PLEASE don't give me a scrapbook.
NICKI STERLING - Hey, check it out! There are small poor people in our midst!
BEN FLAJNIK - That there are, young Nicki. That there are.
EMILY O'BRIEN - Can we humor them as they hawk their pathetic wares?
BEN FLAJNIK - Not only that. We'll pet their hungry children condescendingly on the head.
CASEY SHTEAMER - Sweet!
BEN FLAJNIK - We'll also patronize them as they try to teach us their strange, foreign dances.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - **topless** I'm down.
BEN FLAJNIK - Whoa.
EMILY O'BRIEN - So is the Chief, apparently.
CHIEF - **staring at Courtney's breasts** Humina humina humina.
BEN FLAJNIK - Um... Let's go.
Back at the Trump...
CHRIS HARRISON - Casie S., is it true that you're in love with someone back home?
CASEY SHTEAMER - Yeah. It's true.
CHRIS HARRISON - Damn. This is not the kind of dramatic exit me and the producers were looking for.
CASEY SHTEAMER - I can give a crumple-face cry as I yearn for my love lost.
CHRIS HARRISON - Ok, that'll have to do.
CASEY SHTEAMER - **crumple-face cries** Yarrrhhhhhhhh! Meooooooaaaah!
CHRIS HARRISON - Not half bad. You got all that, Toby?
CAMERAMAN TOBY - Yep. Casie, can you also fling yourself out of a moving vehicle while screaming "Why me?"
CASEY SHTEAMER - I'm tired.
CAMERAMAN TOBY - Fine, fine.
At the cocktail reception...
JAMIE OTIS - Ben, I know I've been shy with you, while the other girls have been more... forward.
BEN FLAJNIK - I wouldn't just say forward. I've gotten three HJ's from four different girls and a Shteamer from Casey S.
JAMIE OTIS - Oh really? Well, I'll show them a thing or two. **kisses him chastely on cheek** How about THAT, big boy?
BEN FLAJNIK - Um, decent.
JAMIE OTIS - That's nothing. **rubs his ear with her pinkie**
BEN FLAJNIK - Tickles.
JAMIE OTIS - Oh yeah. I bet it does. **blows air on his knee cap**
BEN FLAJNIK - This is a new one.
JAMIE OTIS - I'm full of surprises. See this? **points to her grandma panty-line through shorts**
BEN FLAJNIK - **Courtney walks by naked** Gotta go.
THE END.
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