Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik - Episode 6

Jamie gives Ben a little preview of how bad she is in bed.

In Panama City Beach, Florida...

DATE CARD - Kacie B., please join me on a makeshift set of Lost. Sorry, Matthew Fox will NOT be there.

Kacie B. and Ben arrive in a roped-off area on the beach while Spring Breakers look on...

BEN FLAJNIK - Allow me to split this coconut in two, m'lady.

FRAT BRO I - **watching with 100 others outside rope** That's not all he's gonna split in two.

FRAT BRO II - HEYOOO! **they high-five**

BEN FLAJNIK  - Just ignore them.

KACIE BOGUSKIE - I'll try. Look! I caught a fish!

BEN FLAJNIK  - I don't think that's a fish.

FRAT BRO I - It's my TKE Winter Formal boxers! Damn, bro, I've been looking all over for those!

FRAT BRO II  - It's about time they got washed!

FRAT BRO I - Dude, shut up! 

BEN FLAJNIK - Well, I guess we could throw them in the fire anyway.

FRAT BRO I - Ben's probably ate worse things. Courtney Robertson, for example.


BEN FLAJNIK  - Let's just, uh, have some wine and watch the sun set.

KACIE BOGUSKIE - Ok, that sounds romantic. **they sit and sip wine** Is that a Big Booty Contest going on over there? **it is**

BEN FLAJNIK - Damn it! Fuck the producers and their poor site selection skills.

KACIE BOGUSKIE -  **watches nude Big Booty Contest judge flap his penis against his thighs** I dunno... It's not THAT bad.

In a remote area of Panama...

BEN FLAJNIK - Ladies, welcome to a brown river.

RACHEL TRUEHART - Looks like Blakeley's bathroom after a night at The Outback.

BLAKELEY SHEA - Fuck off. Just for that, I'm including a negative page about you in the scrap book I'm creating for Ben.

BEN FLAJNIK - Oh god. PLEASE don't give me a scrapbook.

NICKI STERLING - Hey, check it out! There are small poor people in our midst!

BEN FLAJNIK - That there are, young Nicki. That there are.

EMILY O'BRIEN -  Can we humor them as they hawk their pathetic wares?

BEN FLAJNIK  - Not only that. We'll pet their hungry children condescendingly on the head.


BEN FLAJNIK - We'll also patronize them as they try to teach us their strange, foreign dances.

COURTNEY ROBERTSON  - **topless** I'm down.


EMILY O'BRIEN  - So is the Chief, apparently.

CHIEF - **staring at Courtney's breasts** Humina humina humina.

BEN FLAJNIK  - Um... Let's go.

Back at the Trump...

CHRIS HARRISON - Casie S., is it true that you're in love with someone back home?

CASEY SHTEAMER  - Yeah. It's true.

CHRIS HARRISON - Damn. This is not the kind of dramatic exit me and the producers were looking for.

CASEY SHTEAMER - I can give a crumple-face cry as I yearn for my love lost.

CHRIS HARRISON - Ok, that'll have to do.

CASEY SHTEAMER - **crumple-face cries** Yarrrhhhhhhhh! Meooooooaaaah!

CHRIS HARRISON  - Not half bad. You got all that, Toby?

CAMERAMAN TOBY - Yep. Casie, can you also fling yourself out of a moving vehicle while screaming "Why me?"


CAMERAMAN TOBY - Fine, fine.

At the cocktail reception...

JAMIE OTIS - Ben, I know I've been shy with you, while the other girls have been more... forward.

BEN FLAJNIK - I wouldn't just say forward. I've gotten three HJ's from four different girls and a Shteamer from Casey S.

JAMIE OTIS  -  Oh really? Well, I'll show them a thing or two. **kisses him chastely on cheek** How about THAT, big boy?

BEN FLAJNIK - Um, decent.

JAMIE OTIS -  That's nothing. **rubs his ear with her pinkie**

BEN FLAJNIK - Tickles.

JAMIE OTIS  - Oh yeah. I bet it does. **blows air on his knee cap**

BEN FLAJNIK - This is a new one.

JAMIE OTIS - I'm full of surprises. See this? **points to her grandma panty-line through shorts**

BEN FLAJNIK - **Courtney walks by naked** Gotta go.


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