Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 12 - "Addicted to Love"

Mmmm... tastes like vodka and juvie.  photo

At the Suite... 

JONATHAN FROM ELITE INVESTIGATIONS - I've got some good news, and some bad news.

NANY  - Oh god.

JONATHAN - Here, hold my hand.

NANY  - **slaps it away** No.

JONATHAN - Ouch. Bad news first. In 2002, your father passed away.

NANY - Oh no. That's the worst possible news!

JONATHAN  - I know. Its pretty frickin' bad. But now, for the good news. He left you three lottery tickets worth fifteen dollars each!

NANY - Don't those, like, expire?   

JONATHAN - Dunno. That's outside my realm of expertise. Sorry. But... silver lining, right?

NANY  - Sure. I guess.  

JONATHAN - And now for a bit of neutral news, meaning it could be good or bad, depending on your world view.

NANY - You sure like to categorize news.

JONATHAN - It's a gift. So, your father has... a son in Cuba.

NANY - Ahh! A brother!

JONATHAN - And... fraternal twins in Grand Island, Nebraska.

NANY - Wow! More siblings!

JONATHAN - And a daughter in Cheektowaga.

NANY  - Really? That's right by Buffalo. And he never got in touch?

JONATHAN - I'm not done. Turns out he also sired Demi Lovato. And an albino in Fresno.

NANY - Um...

JONATHAN  - Oh, and I almost forgot, you have a eunuch sibling in the Dominican Republic! Vacation, anybody? 

NANY - You know what? I think I've heard enough.

JONATHAN - Fine. You won't get to hear about his Mastiff puppy. He's adopted, though.

NANY  - I'll live.

JONATHAN - Keep me posted on the validity of those lottery tickets!

Outside the Hard Rock...

HORACE, THE SECURITY GUARD - Sorry, man. I read you that note three months ago that says you're not allowed back on the property.

ADAM ROYER - You expect me to spend all my time at The Rumor? It's a converted Super 8!

HORACE - You too good for clean, economy hotels with hot breakfast? Get outta my sight.

ADAM ROYER -  Just gimme one pull on the Sex and the City slot. Just one pull!

HORACE - Man, you got this hot chick here. Take her back to your room!

ADAM ROYER - Not yet. I need to have some Pink Taco first. I miss their pico de gallo.

HORACE - But you have proverbial pink taco right here!

NANY - Excuse me?

HORACE - Sorry, Nany.

ADAM ROYER -  I... can't. I can't go back there.

HORACE - What, your leg doesn't work?

ADAM ROYER  - In a sense...

HORACE  - Lemme guess. You can't get it up cuz you drank too much and now you're stalling.

ADAM ROYER  - You are far too intuitive to be a hotel security guard.

HORACE - That's what my mom says, too.

On the bike track...

HART & HUNTINGTON DUDE - Motocross! Naomi, you suck so hard that we're gonna pretend this white chick is you. She'll win the race and all your roommates will finally respect you.

NAOMI -  But we look so different.

HART & HUNTINGTON DUDE  - No worries. Your roommates are so far up their own asses, they won't even notice.

**White Motocross wins race,  takes off her helmet to reveal her identity**

HEATHER - Great job, Naomi!

DUSTIN ZITO - That Bronx bitch fucking beat me.

LEROY - You're looking thin, Naomi.  I think I'll hit that tonight.

MIKE MIKE - I'll buy you a celebratory drink, Nay.

COOKE - Heck, I'll buy you three!

WHITE MOTOCROSS CHICK - Aw, thanks, guys! Let's go!

**they all leave to party together**

NAOMI - **crouched in trailer** Is it done yet? Did she win?

HART & HUNTINGTON DUDE - Um, it's still going on, and might be for the next few days. Wanna cuddle?   


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