Monday, May 23, 2011

Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 12 - "Fashion Victim"

God hates divorce, but loves bangs. photo -

At Sol, a strip-mall Mexican restaurant unlike any other strip-mall Mexican restaurant in Orange County...

VICKI GUNVALSON - God hates divorce.

TAMRA BARNEY - God also hates bedazzled baseball caps, but that hasn't stopped you.

VICKI GUNVALSON - You don't understand. Donn is just so... cruel.

TAMRA BARNEY - Talk to me when he throws a retractable dog leash at your arm.

VICKI GUNVALSON - When I humiliate him in social situations, he lashes out.


VICKI GUNVALSON - And when I ignore him around the house, he ignores me right back.

TAMRA BARNEY - Triple gasp! I skipped the double and went straight for the triple.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Tamra, his slight annoyance at my nagging and public degradation has gotten so bad that... That I...


VICKI GUNVALSON - No. Everything's perfect. Just perfect.


VICKI GUNVALSON - Ok, it's gotten so bad that I started bleeding out of my ass.


At the Alexis Couture show at Brasserie Pascal....

TAMRA BARNEY - Vicki's bleeding out of her ass, so she couldn't make it today.

GRETCHEN ROSSI -  Is that the new "washing my ferret's hair?"

TAMRA BARNEY - Owning a ferret as a pet is illegal in California, idiot.

ALEXIS  BELLINO - Well, frankly, I find Vicki's absence... what's the word? Funny? Strange?

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Ironic. Like rayeeyaaayn on your wedding day.

ALEXIS  BELLINO -  Yes, ironic, that Vicki and I openly wish death on one another, yet she's bleeding out of her ass on the day of my big fashion show.

CHEF PASCAL - Foie gras, Alexis?

ALEXIS  BELLINO -  BLECH!!! Get that nasty shit out of my face!!! Anyway, its classless that she's not here.

LYNNE CURTAIN - But, I'm here, Alexis!

ALEXIS  BELLINO -  Huh? Oh. Hi. Great.

TAMRA BARNEY - Listen, as a consolation, I'll stay for the whole show, but talk on my cell and make a big scene about Vicki's hospitalization the whole time.

ALEXIS  BELLINO  - Deal. Oh, pay attention, here comes the vagina-baring dress.

TAMRA BARNEY - And that's different from all the other vagina-baring dresses how?

ALEXIS  BELLINO - It's got puff sleeves.

TAMRA BARNEY  - Ah, got it.

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