Friday, May 13, 2011

Real Housewives of New York Episode 6 - "A Mask for Two Faces"

Whhhhaaaa! I'm Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin! photo -

At Sonja's Masquerade Ball...

SONJA MORGAN - Oh! I dropped my monocle. **demurely bends over**

SIMON VAN KEMPEN - ACK! Thug in a too-short dress!** passes out**

SONJA MORGAN -  I seem to have that effect on men. Whoopsies! There goes my snuff box! **bends over** 

KELLY BENSIMON - My eyes! It's as if someone has slashed them with satchels! Satchels of gold!

SONJA MORGAN  - Kelly, I knew you weren't ready for this jelly. Now there goes my grandmother's brooch. **bends over**

RAMONA SINGER - Yikes! Put that fat ass away!

ALEX MCCORD - Not one to mince words, that Ramona.

JILL ZARIN - Sonja, I gotta show you something. **gives Sonja a hand mirror so she can see her bare bruised ass**

SONJA MORGAN - Wow. That's not as hot as I thought it looked.


At Ramona's Pinot Debut...

JENNIFER - Jill askth me why I'm friendth withhh you.

RAMONA SINGER - That fire crotched bitch.

JENNIFER  -  Jusssth don't make a sthene. Pleasth.


JILL ZARIN - **enters while critically eying everything and everyone** Who doesn't serve eclair canapes at a pinot grigio party? Tacky.

RAMONA SINGER - **slashes Jill's cheek with a wine opener**


JENNIFER - Ramona, I asked you not to make a sthene.

RAMONA SINGER - It's my party, and I'll attempt to murder Jill Zarin with a wine opener if I want to.

JILL ZARIN  - I guess I'll keep this mini koala bear souvenir for myself! **holds it against her cheek to stop the bleeding** Lowenberg's gonna make a killing off of this one.

At Cindy Barshop's apartment...

BABY DADDY KEVIN - Can you guys stop making out for one second? I came here to visit with the girls.

HOWIE BARSHOP - Sorry. When a brother and sister are attracted to each other, it's like a force of nature.

BABY DADDY KEVIN - Really? I thought they tried their hardest to repress it for the sake of normalcy. Who knew.

**Baby Jessie points**

CINDY BARSHOP - Yes, honey, Mommy and Uncle Howie love each other very much. Veeeeery much.

BABY DADDY KEVIN  - You know what? Maybe we should tweak our custody agreement.

CINDY BARSHOP  - Over my dead body.

HOWIE BARSHOP - And what a body it is.  **pinches her tush.**

BABY DADDY KEVIN - K, I'm gonna go now. Enjoy your freaky brother sister sex session.

CINDY BARSHOP - Oh we will.

HOWIE BARSHOP  -  Tonight's "Goodnight, moon" night, where we reenact our mother reading it to us when we were kids, but naked.

BABY DADDY KEVIN - **grabs the babies, runs out** See you in court, Cin.

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