Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 3 - "Sealed with a Diss"


MELISSA GORGA - Hi, honey! How was your day?

JOE GORGA - Fuck off.


GINO GORGA - Mommy's poisoning daddy.

JOE GORGA - That's right, Gino. She's a very bad lady.

MELISSA GORGA - Oh, is this about me not wanting to have sex last night?

JOE GORGA  -  Yep. And the night before that and the night before that.

GINO GORGA - That's pretty terrible, Mommy. The Gorgas are very sexual men.

JOE GORGA  - Smart kid.

TERESA GIUDICE - **enters with  blue envelope, Caroline and Jacqueline in tow** Hiya, I gotta letter to give ya.

JACQUELINE LAURITA - We all spent a week working on it.

CAROLINE MANZO - It took so much effort to formulate those words that I had to leave my hair wet.

JOE GORGA -  I like it. Very Annie Lennox.

CAROLINE MANZO -  Thank you.

TERESA GIUDICE - Well... Open it!

JOE GORGA - You read it, Melissa. I read at a second grade level, and by that I mean at the level of an illiterate second grader.

MELISSA GORGA - Fine. Will you forgive me for making you go three nights without sex?

LEBANESE JEFF GOLDBLUM - **enters kitchen with Kathy in Mercedes** Three nights? That's poison!

JOE GORGA - **high-fives him** My man!

KATHY WAKILE - We came to hear the letter-reading, and to show off the car my husband never would have bought for me if we weren't on television.

MELISSA GORGA  - Ok, here goes.
Dear Joe,
I'd like to be friends again.
Love, Teresa.  

JACQUELINE LAURITA  - Sheer poetry. I really have a knack for this.

TERESA GIUDICE - So? Whaddya say?

JOE GORGA  - Fine. On one condition. You let me stuff Joe Giudice's body in a White Castle dumpster.

CAROLINE MANZO - Teresa? Think about what you're agreeing to here. Listen to me. I am the female god.

TERESA GIUDICE  - **points out the window** Hey, look out there! Vito's on the lawn eating chips off his stomach!

**Everyone turns, Teresa shakes hands with Joe** 

TERESA GIUDICE - **when everyone turns back around**  That's a disgustin' idea, Giuseppe Gorga! Disgustin'.

CAROLINE MANZO - Female God is proud of you, Tre.

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