Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 7 - "Cooke Monsters"

"Cooke" cooks up some trouble. photo -

HEATHER - Hi! I'm Heather.

COOKE - That's nice. Now step aside, blondie, I'm horny.

HEATHER - Uh, so, what's your name?

COOKE - Cooke.

HEATHER - Like cook, as in meth?

COOKE - Maybe where you come from, cracker.

HEATHER  - I'm from New Jersey, which isn't particularly known for it's methamphetamine production, but I saw this documentary -

COOKE -  Stop. It's Cooke, as in I'm gonna cook up a scheme to tap the ass of that shirtless gay dude who talks like Lil' Wayne.

HEATHER - Who, Zito? He's not gay. He's my boyfriend.

COOKE  - Hahaha! Riiiight. I swear I recognize him, and I watch gay porn exclusively. 

NANY - Not possible. They're, like, married.

COOKE - So? My parents were, like, married until my dad went camping with his best friend. Now I have two dads.

HEATHER - That's... interesting. Well, um, maybe we should all get to know each other better? What do you like to do for fun? I like reading the Twilight series. 

COOKE -  Uh huh, great. **spots Leroy**   DAAAAAYUUUUUUM.... Who dat fine Wolverine?

NAOMI -  He's sorta taken...

COOKE -  I'm gonna be wearing that stylish Michigan tank by the end of the day. You just watch.

NAOMI - Oh yeah? See here, Smoker-Voice McButch, I will beat yo -

HEATHER - Naomi, be nice. So, Cooke, do you like tacos? There's a vagina-themed Mexican restaurant downstairs...

COOKE - **spots Mike Mike** Holy fuck. I've never seen a nerd look so sexy while reading the bible. I wanna score a goal with him. Soccer reference.

NAOMI - He's Christian-ier than Mike Huckabee. 

COOKE - So? I'd fuck him, too. 

HEATHER - **clears throat** Ahem. Well, you've got some big shoes to fill here, Cooke. 

NANY - Adam was the best... He'd destroy property and make me give him bee jays when I was crying.

COOKE - Awwww yeaaahhh.... What's he look like?

NANY - Bitch, you better chill.

COOKE - Huh?

NANY - Stop trying to step to our men.

COOKE - Wha?

HEATHER - Yeah, I'm dropping this nice act. You about to get fucked up.

COOKE  - What??? What'd I do? Why does everyone haaaaate meeeee?

**the girls kill Cooke while the guys eat Subway sandwiches**

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