Friday, April 29, 2011

Real Housewives of New York Episode 4 - "Ramona'd"

In Quogue...

RAMONA SINGER - Hey, Kelly! Your decollete looks like shoe leather, and your kids have stupid names!

KELLY BENSIMON -  Oh, hi Ramona... I've got to... clean up some horse shit. **runs away**

RAMONA SINGER - What? What'd I say? **chugs pinot, spots Howie Barshop** Hey, Howie, remember how you disgraced a dead man by smoking a cigar that used to be his, even though he's dead and can't smoke it and it would just rot if you didn't? Pig.

HOWIE BARSHOP - Oh, hey, Ramoner. Listen, I've got to... clean up my dad's shit. He's 78. **runs away** 

RAMONA SINGER - Geez, what's up his ass? **chugs pinot, spots Cindy Barshop** Cindy! For someone who owns a waxing salon, you've got a 'stache to rival that guy who was on Magnum PI. Tim something or other.

CINDY BARSHOP - Tom Selleck. Uh, if you'll excuse me, my twins just shat themselves and I'd better wipe 'em down.  **runs away**

RAMONA SINGER - **spots Luann** LuAnn!  How does it feel to be a "weekend mom" and totally neglect your kids? Who are growing up to be kind of weird-looking, btw.

THE COUNTESS LUANN DE LESSEPS - Oh, whoops! Pierre just pooped his pants. You know how the French are. So free.  **runs away**

RAMONA SINGER -  I'm starting to smell a trend here. **starts to pet a dog** At least I've got you, Arfie.

**Arfie starts to shovel his own shit rather than talk to Ramona.**

RAMONA SINGER - Fine. God still loves me.

GOD - One time you said I needed to get Botox, because I've got the "goal posts" between my eyes.

RAMONA SINGER - So? I was just being honest.

GOD - I'm over it. Sonja Morgan denounced me after I couldn't get her a reservation at Cipriani, so she's got you beat in the bitch department. I believe her exact words were "God damn it, all I want is a veal sandwich."

RAMONA SINGER - That's pretty bad.

GOD - Yep. Well, gotta go. I have a 2:30 with Dr. Rey.

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