Friday, August 6, 2010

Real Housewives of DC Episode 1 - "Welcome to the District"

Cat Ommaney's limited exposure to African-Americans and undying devotion to George W. Bush makes everyone she meets extremely uncomfortable.

STACIE – I’m so glad you could come to my dinner party, weird British lady who’s married to a paparazzo with a perm.

CAT – Hi ho, thank you for having me, old girl. Wait… where are all the white chaps?

– Welcome to Chocolate City.

CAT – I thought that was in Pennsylvania.

STACIE – It’s figurative. There are a lot of black people in Washington DC.

CAT – Don’t get your knickers all in a bunch. Who is that bloke preparing our food?

STACIE – He’s Tito Jackson’s personal chef. He also makes a fifteen-pound “Big n’ Beefy” casserole for Tyra Banks twice a week.

CAT – I hate that Tyra Banks bird.

STACIE – What? Why?

CAT – She be all “Run and tell that, homeboy!” I can’t stand Obama either.


CAT – He be all, “They rapin’ errbody out here.”

– Wow, you’re rather critical.

CAT – I also hate Bryant Gumbel, Vivica A. Fox, Michael Steele, Precious, and Ron Isley. Especially Ron Isley. Grrrr. They all be “You are really dumb. For real.”

STACIE – So you think all black people talk like Antoine Dodson?

CAT – I’m English. I don’t follow your silly American YouTube memes.

STACIE – So who DO you like?

CAT – That George W. Bush fellow is a class act.

STACIE – You mean the dude who left thousands of New Orleanians to suffer after Hurricane Katrina?

– Yes. And that uppity Kanye West was all “George Bush be climbing in your windows, snatchin’ your people up.”

– I think you should leave. You're offending my guests.

CAT - I'm just taking the piss, Sensitive Sally. But I'm truly sorry. My exposure to African-Americans has been quite limited, I'm afraid.

STACIE - Alright. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.

- Right-o. I'm going to have a quick fag in the loo.

- A FAG? You think you can say that kind of thing in my house? Get OUT!

- A fag is a cigarette!

- Oh, and all black people live in the Lincoln Park projects and wear do-rags and make threats on the local news.

- That's not what I meant! We English people are so misunderstood and oppressed.

CHEF CHEO - Hit the road, Margaret Thatcher. I'm taking your portion of prime rib and giving it to Tyra. At least she'd appreciate it.

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