Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 2 - "Generation Vexed"

Scene I
VITO: You know that ditty by Trey Songz? I hope Lauren's neighbors know my name. Yeah.

ALBIE: Gross, man! That's my baby sister! And P.S., this is the suburbs. Our closest neighbors are half a mile away.

VITO: You know that Ludacris song? I wonder how low your sister can go.

ALBIE: Dude, stop! But my sister has a knee problem from a high school shot-put injury, so probably not very low.

VITO: Well, you know that Soulja Boy Tell 'Em tune? I'm gonna super man that 'ho.

ALBIE: Bro, disgusting! We came from the same womb! And besides,
Lauren hates Soulja Boy Tell 'Em. Something he wrote on Twitter upset her.

LAUREN: Hey, it's my two favorite men in the world! I'm back from doing makeup at the Brownstone. Mary Angela loved her sweeping eye... I used Loreal Voluminous Mascara in Carbon Black.

ALBIE: Sis, Vito said he wants to superman you while you get low and yell out his name. This guy's a pig!

LAUREN: Albie, Vito is a true old-world style Italian gentleman. You should know by now that I'm not a baby!

VITO: Yeah, Albie. She's growned. (whispers to Lauren) Gurl, I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig while I ride that thang, you gots the purdiest mouth, uh huh. French fried potaters.

LAUREN: Tee hee! See, Albie? True love. Jealous?

Scene II

DANIELLE: Christine, guess what? Gilles Bensimon, the most famous photographer to ever be married to a cast member from The Real Housewives of New York, wants to photograph you!

CHRISTINE: I guess that'd be cool, Mom. If you want me to.

DANIELLE: I really do. I need a reason to invite strangers from the grocery store to have vodka tonics mid-day. And you're it, sweetheart.

GILLES BENSIMON: Eet iz custoomary for my subjects to spend zee night with moi. Eet iz, how you say, what they do in France.

DANIELLE: Do what the famous photographer says, honey.

CHRISTINE: But Mom, I just want to read Choose Your Own Adventure books in my bedroom.

DANIELLE: Well, you'll just have to read them in his bedroom. Mommy needs a new house.

GILLES BENSIMON: So, young lady, voulez vous cou shay avec moi?


DANIELLE: Yes, yes she will voulez cou shay with you. When the cover of a magazine dedicated to reality TV is at stake, she will make like Patti Labelle and hey sister go sister!

CHRISTINE: Mom, can I have some Saltines? I'm hungry and scared.

DANIELLE: It's Diet Coke and cigarettes from here on out, babe. Now go with the nice picture man.

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