The Bachelorette - Episode 5

Ben C. is "not here for the right reasons" or whatever.  Photo- abc.com

On the "Two on One date" (kinky)... 

WILLIAM - Ashley, I have something important to tell you.

ASHLEY HEBERT - You're just here to jump start a comedy career?

WILLIAM - What? Never. I can't help it that I'm funny. "Underpants." Tee hee.

ASHLEY HEBERT - Nice impression of Will Ferrell doing an impression of George Bush.

WILLIAM - Thanks. Anyway, I want you to know that Ben C. has dared to discuss what he'll do if things between you and him don't work out.

ASHLEY HEBERT - **gasps** Like.. What?

WILLIAM - Like, he might consider going on the Internet to meet a woman at some point in the future.

ASHLEY HEBERT - So, wait... We're down to the last thirty guys, and he's thinking about what will happen if he and I don't get married?

WILLIAM - Total pig, right?

ASHLEY HEBERT - Excuse me for a second. **approaches Ben C** Ben C, I heard that you've thought about your future beyond this reality show. Is that true?

BEN C - Well, it's entered my mind. I've got a one in thirty-eight chance.

ASHLEY HEBERT - One in thirty! One in thirty! Such a pessimist.

BEN C - Sorry.

ASHLEY HEBERT - You disgust me. Please climb back into the New Orleans law firm from which you came from.

BEN C - Fine. But just know that somebody on OKCupid or Match or Craigslist or E-Harmony or PlentyOfFish will want to live in an isolated bubble with me.  **leaves**

WILLIAM - Phew, glad that guy's gone. I think he got some lawyer on me. **dusts off clothes**

ASHLEY HEBERT - Actually, you can go, too.

WILLIAM -  B-b-but I told you about Ben C's future thinking!

ASHLEY HEBERT  - Sorry. To quote Patti Stanger, "the coochie's not juicy."

WILLIAM  - I rode on an elephant! For YOU!

ASHLEY HEBERT  - Those other guys back at the house would kill to ride on an elephant for me. Kill.

WILLIAM  - Well, fyi, I'm considering falling asleep and never waking up. Whaddya think about that?

ASHLEY HEBERT - Really? 

WILLIAM -  Ok, not really. I just have a flair for the dramatic. Well, looks like it's back to the Giggle Box in Galloway, Ohio for me. I always have a home at the Giggle Box. 

ASHLEY HEBERT - **filing her nails** What was that?  

WILLIAM - Nothing.