Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Real World Las Vegas Episode 10 - "Who's Your Daddy?"

This week, a white girl has problems. photo -

In the "phone lounge...

NANY - Mom, what can you tell me about my dad?

MRS. NANY - He made me stuff cocaine in my vagina once.

NANY - Anything... Good?

MRS. NANY  - He was dynamite in the sack. One time, he took my left leg and pinned it up against the wall and -

NANY - I get the picture. Thanks.

MRS. NANY -  He's scum, ok? Look, it doesn't matter. You have me, and even though I spend every weeknight at O'Shaughnessy's tavern, offerin' up blowies to mill workers, I love you.

NANY - You're right. I'm sorry.

MRS. NANY - Thatta girl. Oh, I almost forgot, I got a visit from that Elite Investigations guy, Jonathan. He musta taken a lesson from your dad in bedside manner. He knew the leg trick!

NANY - Bye, mom.  **hangs up**

At Hash House A Go Go at the Imperial Palace...

MIKE MIKE - Ally... I had a cat named Ally.

ALLY - Uh huh, great. Hey, ever met a 21 year-old who's going to Haiti to immunize kids?


ALLY - Yeah, well, that's me. I also wipe old people's asses at an assisted living facility, and provide marriage counseling to troubled couples at my church.

MIKE MIKE - Wow! You know, sometimes I volunteer at  -

ALLY - Stop talking. One time, I found a starving baby bird in my fireplace and nursed it back to health with my own breast.

MIKE MIKE   - That's... kinda gross.

ALLY - Who cares what you think. Have you ever thrown thousands of dollars in the air and then watched bums scramble to pick it all up? Didn't think so.

CAMERA MAN - Take five. I'm craving a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki from Subway.

ALLY - Oh, is there a camera filming us? I had no idea. **winks**

Chillin' in the Kitch...

NAOMI -Whatever you do, do NOT go back to Dustin. He had sex with somebody else before he even knew you existed.

HEATHER - You're right. And those "somebodies" most likely had ass hair and adam's apples.

NANY - My dad probably has ass hair and an adam's apple. I guess i'll never know the truth.

NAOMI  - Aw. You should compare yourself to the homeless street kids of Vegas. You guys are like twins.

NANY - I know, right?

HEATHER - Um, hello? Gay boyfriend here? Stay on topic.

NAOMI - Sorry - I forgot a white blonde girl has a problem.

HEATHER - Yeah, well, don't let it happen again.  

In the room where they film you on the toilet...

DUSTIN ZITO - Heather, I have a confession to make. Cooke and I chastely grazed knees in the cab.

HEATHER - Whhhhhaaaaa? With a roommate????!!! I'm gonna go Adam Royer on this shit!!!! **breaks a bunch of stuff** 

DUSTIN ZITO   - Phew. So I guess this means you've forgotten about the ass sex I had on camera with men?

HEATHER - Yes! Don't touch me, you beast!

DUSTIN ZITO -  But look at my floppy hair. And alabaster skin. And soccer shorts.

HEATHER - **succumbs to his sweet touch** I am just a woman, after all. 

DUSTIN ZITO - Aw. That's what Willy "Wienis" Williams said to me before he offered up his behind for my pleasure.

HEATHER - Ok, I'm out. **leaves**

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