Thursday, March 5, 2015

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Season 4, Episode 2 - "Courtney and Isaak"


Courtney, Nev and Cassidy Wolf
Nev skypes with Cassidy...

MISS TEEN USA CASSIDY WOLF - I'm subbing for Max today.

NEV SCHULMAN -  What are your qualifications? 

CASSIDY WOLF- I wasn't aware that I needed any besides being young and hot. 

NEV SCHULMAN -  You don't, but I figured I'd ask to pretend the show has credibility.

CASSIDY WOLF - Well, a guy did install a live web cam on my laptop and then threatened to release videos of me to the world. 

NEV SCHULMAN - Man, you get a tramp stamp and nobody even bothers to cut a hole in a hotel wall to see it. 

CASSIDY WOLF - You're still young. Relatively. 

NEV SCHULMAN - Thanks. I still have hope. **rubs his lower back tattoo**



Cassidy joins Nev in his hotel room...

NEV SCHULMAN - Our casting department sent over something super weird.

CASSIDY WOLF - A photo of Manti Te'o in a strapless jumpsuit? 

NEV SCHULMAN - I wish. An asexual dude applied to be on the show, pretending to be a bartender mom in Georgia.

CASSIDY WOLF - The lows people will sink to. 

NEV SCHULMAN - So true. Impersonating someone else is disgusting.

CASSIDY WOLF - I meant living in Georgia.



Nev and Cassidy meet Courtney in Buford, Georgia...

COURTNEY - Welcome to my mom's ice skating rink.

NEV SCHULMAN - Whoa, she owns this?

COURTNEY - No, she just cleans the toilets on the weekends.

NEV SCHULMAN - So tell us about Isaak, besides that he's asexual and masturbates a lot.

COURTNEY  - He's also a massage therapist with a foot fetish.

CASSIDY WOLF - I'm pretty sure I had him at Massage Envy. 

NEV SCHULMAN - Would you be willing to meet him at a park? You can bring young Tylo along.

COURTNEY - My son's name is Cobin.

NEV SCHULMAN - Sorry - with so many pulled-out-of-one's ass names nowadays, it's hard to keep track.



Nev and Cassidy comfort Courtney as she approaches Isaak in a park...

CASSIDY WOLF - **holds Courtney's arm** Just put one foot in front of the other. All in a day's work. You can do this.

NEV SCHULMAN - Maybe you should take it down a notch, Yoda. It's not like you avoided getting spied on and blackmailed. 

ISAAK - Oh, hello! I didn't hear you approaching. I was just gazing upon this lovely creek on this beautiful day.

NEV SCHULMAN - So you're into nature?

COURTNEY - **whispers** Fucking creep.

ISAAK - I'm into all of nature but one thing.

CASSIDY WOLF - Hydrangeas?

ISAAK -  Well, two things. But mainly the nature of humans to engage in sexual intercourse for pleasure. I didn't have cable as a child. 

NEV SCHULMAN  - Oooh, you missed out on Skins. Good shit.

ISAAK - I must let you all know that I masturbate a lot.

NEV SCHULMAN - It sounds like you've made that clear to everyone you've ever met. 

ISAAK - Yes, I value being upfront. But, still, I greatly appreciate the grace and intelligence of this ombre'd beauty you've presented to me. 

COURTNEY - Can we go now? Cobin needs a diaper change. 

NEV SCHULMAN - You left him home alone?! 

ISAAK - So I'm the sick one, huh?

**awkward silence**

ISAAK -  I mean - good day, fair maiden. 


THE END.


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